Felt the need to write again..

"Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option!" - Good quote, damn good actually. I try to live by it but lately I've failed. I often tend to make those who I care about a priority in my life...whether they are relatives, old or new friends, etc. Why? I don't know honestly but maybe because I care and I like to know that they are taken care of and that I'll be there for them. Sadly, without necessarily expecting them to reciprocate but hoping that one day they may, most of these people are just WAY too involved and focused on themselves that they just simply DO NOT GIVE A DAMN about others. I think if people were less involved in themselves and started caring about the welfare of others and the environment that surrounds them, the world would be a whole better place. Unfortunately...the sad truth revealed it's nasty head!

I feel kinda down, maybe just moody lately. Ugh! I wanna get away because my mind has been pretty cluttered with nonsense esp. this past week and it's bullshiiitttt lol. Lately, I feel like I've been wasting a lot of my time and attention on certain individuals who simply don't deserve it. Looking back I realize that it was very stupid of me to do so because when the wheels turn and I need that time and attention from them, it is rarely ever reciprocated. Also, people seem to confuse me being nice and very open with something else...either way, I can't and won't change who I am and how I choose to live my life for anyone...comprende?! I am pretty carefree most of the time, love a good laugh and enjoy the company of friends. Most times when I am able to I am always there for people when they need me and will offer any and every sort of lending hand, toe or whatever else I can find in order to help them. Seems that lately people have been taking that for granted and it taught me that most humans in general are never satisfied...no matter how you go about trying to help them, be there for them, listen to them...they will ALWAYS find a way to say that it was not enough.

I REALLY WANT TO GO RUNNING...but it's effin' pouring out and I don't feel like getting my sneakers all wet again like I did a few days ago when I ran in the thunderstorm haha. Can't wait to depart for Europe in less than a week and forget about certain things and people. When I get back I'll be a different person! :]

Over thinking makes me over heat and explode! Ah!

"Regret what you didn't do more than what you did do."  I am not so sure about this, I mean this is just a quote that someone out there came up with because it was valid for him/her at that point in time. It has failed me because I feel like although you may regret what you didn't do at least you were left with your dignity somewhat. Doing something and then taking that chance and failing or becoming disappointed would be destructive [in my case]...but "what if?"

"Say what you need to say" (according to John Mayer at least) is also not good in most cases as this could leave you vulnerable for attacks and definitely for failure. It could on the other hand open new doors and make the other person able to open up and say things he/she would not have otherwise said had I not broken the ice. Hmm..

"Less is more" (with the exception of clothing haha...well in most circumstances lol) I think is the most appropriate quotation out of all above mentioned.

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Something is wrong with me for feeling this way, I shouldn't, I didn't expect to nor did I want this and it's driving me up the wall crazy right about now. I haven't felt this way in such a long time and it's creeping me out because I should be focusing on other things right now but this is preoccupying me and it's ANNOYING. I feel eroded because once again I let myself get to this type of a situation and now unlike any other time I feel like I can't control very well how I feel and suppress my emotions. Why is this happening to me? 

I should go ahead and be free with my emotions but then again I am not the type to do that as much as I tell myself that I only live one life and have nothing to lose and that I should never fear what others think of me or how what I said impacts them...that would be selfish and ignorant though and I am not that way..

Nothing good would come out of this, I tried eradicating this out of my mind and as much as I try, it keeps coming back to me out of nowhere making it that much more appealing to approach again and fail once again, and then feel like crap. 

I just need to find the strength within to completely and utterly ignore it. Yes. Exercise! :]

Keeps me bound where the whole wide world is free..

My soul is wearying 
My soul is wearying 
My soul is wearying 
I said my soul is wearying 

My soul is wearying 
Beating down from all of my misery yeh 
Oh Lord who will comfort me? 

Gotta hold of my heart 
Keeps me bound where the whole wide world is free yeh 
Oh Lord who will comfort me? 

My home is a wreakage a family ground 
impli-ed in poverty yeh 
Oh Lord who will comfort me